Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
