I look better un-naked...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
