Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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