does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
