the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Enjoy the penises
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
