im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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