My liver just broke up with me...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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