that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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