my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
