I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
