Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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