I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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