Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
