Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
