Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
