I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will pee on everything he values.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am mentally ready for anal.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
