So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
