ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
