"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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