Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
