apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
