Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
