Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
