A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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