I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
