worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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