how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
