Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize