how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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