when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
