We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
