you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
