Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
