i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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