chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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