he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
