dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
