The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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