i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
