We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
