i permit you to call me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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