She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
