He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just had sex on a roof
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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