I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
