tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize