i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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