I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
