I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Your tits are I can't wait for
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
