honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
