The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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