The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
