My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
