Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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