If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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