well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
