Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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