Don't you send me to vm
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just high enough for therapy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
