Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
