And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You need Xanax blowdarts
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
