you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
