how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
