I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
