Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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