i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
