did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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