Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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