Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
