He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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