brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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