the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
