i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
