in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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