I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
