I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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