Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
