Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
