i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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