Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
