I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
