Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
