Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
