Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
