Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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