I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
