Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
