She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
