people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
