Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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