Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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