and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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