I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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