i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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