whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
