Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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