That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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