I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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