Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
