Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
