I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
